Who’s Streets? They’re Streets! Grammatical challenges and the coming marginalization of cars

Making up the rules, grammatical and otherwise

Armed with a can of spraypaint, a stencil shaped playfully like the state of Oregon, and the surge of adrenaline that happens when passion meets DIY gumption, somebody in our Southeast Portland neighborhood has decided to revise the Oregon statutes about bike riding in the street. That’s right. Lately we’ve been rolling our 23s, 28s, 35s, Big Apples, and Nobby Nics over dozens of iterations of the same exact, by-now mind-numbing message, which appears on both quiet residential streets and commercial strips such as Hawthorne, and even on designated bike routes. Even on leafy designated bike routes! The message, always placed just where cyclists tend to ride (you know, on the edge of the door zone): “Vehicle’s Only!”

Of course, legally a bicycle is a vehicle, although we industry veterans prefer to call a bicycle a veehickle, while child-carrying cargo bikes are weehickles, a little change-up we do just because it’s enjoyable to confuse the Germans. Of whom we are several. So really we’re all in agreement with whoever drove around the neighborhood on many a fine summer night to spraypaint proof of their lack of grammatical skills all over they’re streets. To those lovelies we say, “Remain in your hickle’s, please. If the Portland Police don’t get you, the grammar police surely will.”